What happens after you do something you wish you hadn't?

Like shout at your children, or ate the whole 'share' size bar of chocolate or forget someone's birthday etc etc?

Have you ever noticed the words you say to yourself? The tone of voice you use or the body language you create?

We are, generally speaking, our own worst critics. We say stuff to ourselves that we would absolutely never dream of saying to anyone else. And if we did talk to others like that, they probably wouldn't hang around us for very long.

There are a number of reasons why we might be so mean to ourselves, perhaps it's our brain's survival instinct kicking in, trying to protect us from future harm. Perhaps it's due to how we were spoken to while we were children, or even as an adult!

When we do something that we wish we hadn't, we already feel bad about ourselves, we are already suffering. Being mean to ourselves simply makes us feel even worse, it doesn't alleviate or help the situation. 

This is a moment of suffering 

What if we were able to recognise that we were suffering, in the moment?

What if we remembered we were merely human, not perfect, not robots who are preprogrammed to respond so precisely and accurately.

What if, instead of telling ourselves off, or giving ourselves a hard time, we offered ourselves some kindness instead. What if we were kind to ourselves because we are hurting. 

That kindness might sound like offering ourselves some reassuring words, such as:

"I lost my patience, and I regret how I spoke to them. I'm a loving mum having a difficult moment. I can, and will, repair this with them."

"I made a mistake, and that’s ok, I'm human. Making mistakes is part of being human. This is not a reflection of my worth."

"That chocolate was so delicious, however I feel uncomfortable now. I'm going to drink some water, rest and be gentle with myself"

If it feels too difficult to bring reassuring words to mind, catching yourself in the act of being mean to yourself and stopping it, is a great first step.

And if in doubt, simply place your hands on your heart and take a few intentional breaths.

You don't need to be perfect to be worthy of your own kindness. The next time you make a mistake, remember: you are allowed to offer yourself the very same grace you so freely give to others.